I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
