Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
