please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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