Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
