How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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