Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
