I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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