I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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