You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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