Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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