Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
