i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
