genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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