I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
