I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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