So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
