Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
