Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
