so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
How external is "for external use only"?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
