i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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