Dual....:-)
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
