Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The beer is more important than you right now.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
