I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
