just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Terrible idea I love it
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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