i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
