So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
There's even glitter on my cock...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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