dude i'm inner monologue high
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
