there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
