I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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