And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
