Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
