i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
