Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
