tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
