Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
