ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
