I wanna bring you to show and tell
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
