don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
