Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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