Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
