I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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