Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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