Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
