We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
