Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
