I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
