"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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