i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
