My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
