Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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