i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
