Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
