South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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