No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
