Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
