How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Sext me about skeletons
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
