Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
