I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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