Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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